


Duke Venomania's Mighty Man Noodle

by chirusse



Category: Evillious Chronicles
Genre: F/M, M/M, Satire, stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-03
Updated: 2014-02-03
Packaged: 2018-01-11 18:00:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1176158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chirusse/pseuds/chirusse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Experimental comedy writing in a self-proclaimed revolutionary form. Life is so unfair when the Mighty Man Noodle is desired by all.</p>
<p>I wrote smut using euphemisms such as "100% all meat thermometer."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Duke Venomania's Mighty Man Noodle

**Author's Note:**

> If you hadn't noticed, you're not supposed to take any of this seriously. I just wanted to see how many (horrible) alternative names for genitalia that I could use.
> 
> I had a long list that I was drawing from, and I planned to use all of the words… but that did not happen.

"Do you like that, darling? My pulsing manmeat inside your mayonnaise drain? I'm going to pump you so full of my hot, princely milk that you won't know what to do." Duke Venomania's venom cock was pounding into Gumina Glassred's libidinously slurping cakehole of love. Their dance of horizontal monster mash was well rehearsed, something that the pair of them were used to by now. Such nightly activities repeated themselves nearly every other day.

Venomania withdrew his purple headed warrior from her tunnel of love just far enough that only the head of his throbbing lavender man-fruit thing remained penetrating her.

"S-Sati…" The girl's hands reached for him and pulled their lips together. Gumina's legs tightened around Venomania as they kissed, pushing his thick, half-pounder anaconda back into her unholy cavity of carnal pleasure.

Venomania's responding groan only served to coax her forward, and the girl shifted her hips against him, sending that vengeance cannon right back where she wanted it. The duke then began to thrust in earnest, shoving his 100% all-meat thermometer back and forth into Gumina's flesh mitten.

"Sati, touch my… at the same… ah!" Gumina's nails broke the skin of the noble's shoulder and drew fresh blood. Venomania's thumb flew to her pleasure pearl and rubbed circles in time with his thrusts. He lowered his lips to her chest, taking one of Gumina's spongy love mountains. His tongue danced over her mythical berry rosebuds, only adding to her pleasure. His ministrations drew hushed sighs from her lips, which quickly gave way to gasps of heated arousal.

"Do you want my baby batter already, Gumina? If you're so eager, I would be glad to let my yogurt cannon explode. But are you ready for it? Are you ready for gallons and gallons of fuckfluid? I didn't realize your chamber of secrets was so neglected. We've only just started, and here we are, ready to finish…"

"Oi. Venomania. Off of her." Unbeknownst to the preoccupied noble, yet another had entered the room of the duke's arena of combat.

"Gallerian. I didn't realize you were here…" Venomania pulled out of Gumina, who whimpered in protest, and turned to his friend.

"Enjoying the dick assault? My restless manmeat won't stand to be ignored for long." The duke palmed his mayonnaise cannon as he spoke.

"Actually, I was looking for similar treatment for myself." Marlon cleared his throat. "I was calibrating the lightsaber and thought you might like to join, but I see you've found a cum dumpster with a hobbit hole to service your cockness monster."

"Gallerian, don't be rash." Venomania turned to Gumina and whispered something to her, before she quickly shuffled out of the room.

"There, now. Come slip my batter blaster into your boy pussy, and I'll help you milk out that liquid love inside of you." Venomania sat down on the bed in the room and beckoned for the man to join him.

"Who knew the man so many ladies marked as their future cherry picker would love the gasm chasm of a middle aged man. Sometimes I surprise myself, thinking on such a thing." Marlon stepped towards the duke and moved his hand to his belt.

"My crotch dachshund is dying to get out of this cage of consternation. Hurry up." Marlon bent and took Venomania's hands, placing them on the zip of his trousers.

"Then I will be happy to free them from that cotton prison." Within seconds, the formerly caged viper was inside the duke's mouth, ready to spit magic toothpaste down his throat. Marlon's fingers threaded into the noble's hair and pushed him farther down on his holy wand of man juice, groaning the whole time.

"Have experience swallowing pocket rockets, Sateriasis? But you wouldn't dare lick the love sausage of any other man, would you? No, it's just me. You love this gargantuan blue fire hydrant of a cock, don't you? You can't get enough of my DNA rifle. Maybe one day it will be  _you_  sitting on  _my_  bitchmaker, rather than the other way around." Duke Venomania coughed with Marlon's thrusts, but did not attempt to silence the man.

"But I do so love your skyward sword in my chocolate hotdog hallway. Perhaps instead of Duke Venomania, they ought to call you Lord Ass Burglar The Magnificent!" Marlon groaned and pulled Venomania's mouth off of him before he spent himself. After all, their fun had only begun. He'd cum with this man's purple yogurt squirter in his Hershey Highway.

"Don't move," the judge instructed. "I'm putting it in myself." He climbed onto the noble and impaled himself on that organic crotch gun. The pair of them moaned in unison, calling their sweet pleasure to the ceiling. Venomania was the first to quiet himself, and clutched Marlon's hips before commencing with thrusting his fuck stem into the man's warm, slippery cavern.

It was only a shame that he had been previously stimulated to near breaking point, and struggled not to blow his pale nectar into the man already. The fingers cradling his love spuds as they danced did nothing to alleviate his tension.

"Oh, no, no, no, Venomania." Marlon wrapped his fingers around his companion's spunktrumpet and sneered. "You have the thickest oak tree in the forest of dickland, and I'm not about to have you wasting your erection before I've come."

Tears formed in the corners of the duke's eye as he pushed his venomous python of love up into Marlon's willing love cave.

"…Please," Venomania begged. "Please let me cum."

Marlon frowned at the man, but released him.

"Go ahead, hot rod. Shoot me with that sperminator. But don't forget… you owe me a decent orgasm with that colossal fuck cannon."

The throbbing accumulation of rigid masculinity that had been building in Venomania's loins was released with only a few more strokes of Marlon's anal fortress. Spurts of liquid pleasure coated the judge's winking portal, and the dour man even granted his lover a groan of appreciation.

Once the air had cleared and Venomania had just settled into postcoital bliss, a nudge from Marlon's soft, fleshy globes woke the cherry assassin once more.

" _Who said we were finished?"_


End file.
